Paul’s an expert in Videogames, Star Trek, flannel shirts – in that order. For PCGamesN he covers GTA, Arc Raiders, PUBG, and more.
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I’m being haunted – hunted, maybe – by pitches I made months ago. One of those happened to be the new Barbie game, Barbie Rewind, which was, at one point, the only thing brave enough to go up against GTA 6 this month. It was a wasteland of game releases, with one huge shining pink monolith in the middle, shield ready to repel the Vice City tsunami.
Turns out those jokes aren’t really that funny, or in fact even true any more, as there have been a ton of great games this month, both big and small. We’ve had what Blizzard is calling the biggest WoW launch in history in World of Warcraft Forever; we had the new Football Manager – we even had the coaches expansion for Euro Truck Simulator for those who want to relive the Megabus era of their lives.
Still, I asked for Barbie Rewind, and I got it. Acting as a loose collection of retro games, I’m tasked with playing through these aging adventures in the hopes of getting some more furniture for my Dreamhouse. Considering it’s unlikely I’ll ever be able to afford a regular house, getting access to a dream one is a real treat, and I put my all into decorating.
While the decor isn’t exactly to my taste – mostly DayGo pink, violent against my eyes – I can work with anything, and it didn’t take long before I’d chosen my favorite dream bed and hung a few dream posters on the walls. My dream jacket is primed, wrinkle-free, and pinned to the wall for easy access.
The pink carrot was followed by the pink stick, however. To access more rooms and more trinkets, I have to dive into Barbie games of old. Retro is the word here, as there aren’t any Barbie games on offer beyond the PlayStation 1, even though I’m told that the icon had several showings way past this point.
I went through every game in the collection to give you, dear reader, a more informed opinion on whether Barbie Rewind is for you.
Gotta Have Games
A collection of minigames within a collection of mini-games, Gotta Have Games is like that old cartridge you would find as a kid with a bunch of questionable, probably legally distinct variations of the classics. We’ve got Tetris with fruit, Connect 4, and a half-decent version of Puzzle Bobble that I played for probably too long.
Groovy Games
It’s the same as Gotta Have Games! They’ve done me. This is the handheld version, so it’s actually worse in every way. It still has Puzzle Bobble, but it looks nowhere near as nice, and it’s slow. Can probably avoid.
Barbie Horse Adventures
A bit post-apocalyptic, this one. Barbie’s got to clomp around her (presumably rural British) town, initially finding little flowers, then moving on to races and the like. Everything has a rather empty feeling, and any passersby feel hollowed, like they’re ghosts of loved ones, cheering for eternity. Lovely clip-clop sounds, absolutely horrendous controls.
Barbie Vacation Adventure
It’s a road trip! It’s also more minigames. A bit hit and miss, this one; I liked the jigsaw bits of camping. The racing was okay, but the clip-clop sounds didn’t come close to Horse Adventures. Very strange was the choice to add both the Super Nintendo and Sega Genesis versions of Vacation Adventures, when, to my untrained eye, they’re basically the same thing.
Barbie and the 12 Dancing Princesses
I thought this one would primarily be about dancing, but I was dead wrong. It’s a platformer; my dad’s in an absolute state and needs my help to find my 11 sisters. Exploring the house, I can only assume it was designed by someone on their very last nerve. A nightmare.
This is about the time when I ran out of steam and started to throw bits of tat around my Dreamhouse. I had collected a fair few boxes of furniture at this point, and could fulfill my vision. My personal highlight was Ken’s bedroom (he’s been going through a hard time) – he watches the other residents prance around their opulent bedrooms, replete with artwork and hot tubs, and pities them. He has taken to a more spartan lifestyle.
Barbie Rewind isn’t for me. It never was for me, and that’s okay. Those with nostalgia for the Barbie games of yore may find something to like here, but with a chunk of slightly more modern games missing and no effort made to adapt the ones that are here (I’m looking at you, Horse Adventures), it’s hard to see what’s actually here for any non-Barbie enthusiasts – those with an interest in videogame history might get a kick out of the time machine presented here, but that’s a stretch.
What am I trying to say? That isn’t rhetorical. I guess I’m trying to say that for those PC-heads out there who aren’t going to be playing GTA 6, there are other things out there. Just, you know, probably not this. Or maybe this! Who knows. Play on, enjoy stuff, be free, dear friends.
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